lol..afta a happi post hear comes a flash back post(emo emo)
L00kin back @ de past 17yrs,i realise i had nt much of a memories...60% of wHich are painful and grey...
cHildh00d times..
afta my brother was born..i dun get much of the attention.focus---Him.
if u wan to n0e..i nvr heard my parents sayin tey l0ve me b4 ..neither did i sae to them.
i hab nvr hug my parents b4.
me n my mum can nvr speak more than 10 sentences.
weneva she is down on mood, i will be her出气筒..
a slight mistake tt i make, a pain will be inflicted on me. be it a tight slap, canes, pinch..worse come to worse strangle.
to sae ncye sumtym she would jus "sc0ld" bt to me those are words abuse.
would ur mum scold u vulgarites fer no definate reason? and tell u each tym that she would rather abort u then have u nw. esp wen u are onli like pri sch?!
心理上，我真的伤得很深...hence i depended alot on my frens..until....
in pri sch, u betta pray u r jus a small figure.an unknown person.. i was hated by guys.rmbed once de wh0le 4 classes guys surrounded me,leavin me helpless n hopeless...devasted.the two gals tt i trusted most betrayed me.slash @ de back..
tts wen i jus realise..i had nobodi to depend on.nt my family..nt my frens..became beri kept to myself.
Teenage times...
being in sec sch, its a totally new environment. i wanted a low profile.bt...sec1 my popularity kinda shoot abit in class.. mayb cos i had smth on with de top few guy in class. sum gals started hangin arnd me.bt i couldnt differentiate g00d n bad. and wen everythin ended, de gals tt i tot are my frens, were gone.except peiyan hu didnt left me.=]]got to n0e another grp of gals(current SN gals hee)which hab been with me till nw i am thankful n grateful fer tt.
afta peacing down....HE suddenly step into my life..the HE...whom made my sec life gray...n pain...i was stupid to have gave in all...
bt fer de 1st love, i tink all gals would also be beri 投入.i was beri scared to leave Him @ tt point of tym,so i acted liek de 24hr galfren. waited fer Him afta sch...afta his cca..did mani stuff fer Him...ignored all de negative advices tt eberibodi gave to me. @ tt point i tot tey were jus tryin to break de relationship..
n moreeva,theses advices were given by his frens.
-dun trust him too much
-leave him nw before u get hurt
-he is nt wadd u seemm to tink he is.
bt...i was ignorant...n foolish..
n..indeed i was hurt badly..
we broke up..he found an0ther gal..
bt de blame was all on me...
sayin tt de one hu ruined the perfect plan of relationhip was me...
His frens consouled me..sayin it wasnt my fault and tt....de one hu ruined it..was him
with him havin an0ther gal 2 mths b4 we br0ke up..
followin tt many devasting tings happen...2005 wasnt a beri g00d yr fer me...
de Css competition failure was a big HIT on me...esp at music forest...afta my failure @ css..i recieved an0ther HIT frm la0shi..he told me sumthin tt i wld rmb 4eva.as a lesson fer me to push further.he said:"当初不知道为什么会让你进来。音准差得要命。又没进步。你干脆不要来了..i was onli 14...with such a huge comment...it was like a gun shot directly thru my brain..my heart being dug out....
a great setback...i stopped singin fer a mth..and eben i came back..i became less confident..
my parents did no consouling..bt mre to在伤口上撒盐...tey kept repeating..as if iwasnt pain enugh..
wen i wanted to work...my dad said the saddest ting i could eba hear...he said he would pay me to accompany my mum...
i totally couldnt accept..cried fer 3 daes..its sound like i am so unfilial..de materialistic daughter.my l0ve to them had to be bought wen i cared fer them mor than my brother...
my studies grade dropped....a setback in my relationship...my dreams..n de strain relationship btn my parents n me...made me fell into depression...
i started resort into slitting my own risks.be it using penknife or sissors. with each tym more than 5 cuts...de pain inficted was nth compared to what de heart is facing...
tt was de beginnin...i start forcinn myself into forcing myself vomitin out my food.slight anneroxie....i bcame less positive..bt had to act..gng to sch was a torment fer me...i had to put on a smile fer de wh0le dae..so i wun let dde gals worry me..bt having to see him...h0ldin an0ther gals hand..in de same sch..same enviroment...n havin to endure all de talks about them....i jus had to hid my tears...
hence...wen ppl talk back the wonderfull times of their sch sch..hw tey longed to go back..my ans is would be...silence.....it was too grey..fer me to recall ne...
sch times was bad enugh...and outside...i face de most scariest ting in my life.........
my fears...>.<
poly life was much betta..seriously..eben though i kp complainin it being dull..it was 100 times betta..i l0ve the class i am in nw.(though i dun like sum modules of de course hehe)
i l0ve spending the times with my SN gals whom had been with me thru my darkests times.(though tey nvr ask much bt i n0e tey are concern)
i l0ve my echo peeps hehe where we talk about music non stop n joke arnd=]
most impt..i hab my dear with me nw.tts de happiest part in my life.this is wen i realli feel..i exsisted.
